During COVID, from time to time, I would aimlessly wander around YouTube. I would watch some videos on self-improvement, watch a little bit and find something interesting in them, but as any 14-year-old would, I’d stop the video there to do something else. Either play Fortnite or watch anime or Netflix. But right before sophomore year started, I had a sudden realization—I was about to go back to in-person learning. This was real: life was resuming and the bubble that COVID created was no more. I was a sophomore in high school; in three years, I would be in college. Then, I’d be paying bills, working, and providing for my family. Something had to change. I started looking for ways to instill discipline in myself. In my search, I turned to YouTube once more. Before, YouTube was a form of entertainment, a way for me to avoid doing schoolwork or procrastinate. I would waste my time looking for and consuming content I had no interest in just to pass the time. I found a whole new side of this platform, entire communities dedicated to bettering themselves. I learned about meditation, working out, and how to practically apply them to my life. Through this platform, I was able to feel less alone, like I wasn’t the only one out there—like I belonged. I was able to share what I learned with my friends and bring them along with me on this journey.
Meditation taught me how to silence my mind and focus. During COVID, I always wanted to do something: watch TV, play video games, talk to friends. I always wanted to keep my mind active. It became so active that focusing became harder. Trying to keep my mind quiet was something I just didn’t want to do and couldn’t do because I was used to the constant stimulation. During my journey of self-improvement, I found a couple of YouTubers, Iman Gadzhi and Hamza, who preached the benefits of meditation. Of course, now, as a fifteen-year-old, I always thought that sitting down and doing nothing for a long period of time was a pointless activity. However, as I heard them explain the benefits of mediation, it piqued my interest.
“Peace,” “focus,” “concentration,” “clarity,”“control.”
Now, instead of having it on as background noise, I started to actively listen and try to learn from what they were saying so I could try to strive for those outcomes. At first, I wanted to start small with five-minute sessions. Little did I know how long five minutes of nothing would be. It sounded so short but quickly became full of distractions. My mind would wander constantly, filling with random thoughts. I’d find myself listening and focusing on sounds outside: birds chirping, cars exiting their driveways, keys jingling. I’d find myself daydreaming because I had just woken up and wasn’t fully awake yet. I felt like a failure, defeated, but I went back to the videos and remembered them saying it wouldn’t be easy. Our brains have been reprogrammed to only enjoy large amounts of dopamine and stimulation; trying to keep ourselves quiet for a second, let alone for minutes, is an extremely difficult task. So, in my search for direction, for a clearer path, I found a step-by-step video on how to meditate on Hamza’s channel. He taught me that meditation without a purpose or goal is a useless endeavor. Whatever your goal is, meditation is just the tool used to achieve it or else you’ll just be like me: sitting around, daydreaming, doing nothing. Over time, I learned how to gain control: I would close my eyes and imagine the inside of my mind as a large circle with thoughts and ideas floating around. I would take deep breaths to try and silence it. With every deep breath, there’d be a smaller circle that was pitch black and silent. With every breath, it would slowly fill up the larger circle and the thoughts would be pushed to the edge till the smaller circle filled my brain and there was nothing but silence and darkness. Over time, with focus and practice, I was able to achieve the goals that piqued my interest in the first place.
“Peace,” “focus,” “concentration,” “clarity,”“control.”
Working out was a way of disciplining myself. It became something that helped me with my confidence. I’ve always been skinny, ever since I was a kid. I was told by everyone I needed to eat more, I needed to do push-ups, I needed to do this, I needed to do that. On my way down the YouTube rabbit hole of self-improvement, I would find in almost every video that talked about how to improve your life there was always one constant no matter the method—physical movement. No matter who I watched, when self-improvement was spoken about, working out was right beside it. The one thing I always heard was that, when starting small, push-ups are an easy way to start working out. It’s good for cardiovascular health, builds muscle, and helps to tone your physique. So I started small, very small. Just one push-up every day. Over time, I would increase that by one push-up a week. So for the next week, I’d do two a day, the following week I’d do three and so on, with a goal to reach one hundred push-ups. However, after a while, when the initial motivation wore off, I’d find myself not doing them or forgetting to. I’d think about how far away my goal of doing twenty push-ups straight was and how I felt demotivated.
I discovered that there are two sides to working out. There’s the physical and there’s the mental. And the monster who taught me the art of molding your mind so it can be capable of destroying your body was David Goggins. He showed me it’s not all fun and games. If you want to look and feel a certain way or be able to do certain things, it comes at a cost. There are going to be days when the alarm goes off and you don’t want to wake up, when you’re on your fifty-fifth rep and your arms feel like jelly, but you still have five more reps to go. When it’s cold outside and you don’t want to get up, but you have to because you still have work ahead of you. So you get up and get at it anyway. He revealed to me the demons you awaken when you start this journey, how they’re all created by you and how it’s your job to destroy them. I applied this knowledge to my goal of one hundred push-ups in one sitting across multiple sets. I was on the floor first thing every morning, rain or shine, hot or cold, whether I was tired or energetic. Over time, one push-up turned to ten, ten turned to twenty, then thirty, then sets of tens and twenties till I finally reached my goal.
I remember the first time I hit one hundred. I was so proud and excited; I finally reached the goal. All those tired early mornings and sore nights paid off. It felt great, but it didn’t take long after being able to do one hundred push-ups consistently that I was bored again. I needed a new goal. I needed structure. In my moment of disarray, I found Chris Heria. His videos guided me on how to build the body I wanted. He broke down the science behind breaking down muscle fibers so that they heal larger and stronger than they were when you broke them. He explained the importance of eating at a calorie surplus with the right amount of protein for maintaining weight and gaining muscle. He had videos that gave me structure and a routine to follow, which I desperately needed. My new goal—combined with the structure that Chris gave me and the knowledge I received from David—transformed me. I worked out till I dropped on the last set, till my arms and shoulders were sore, where, the next day, normal tasks would cause extreme discomfort, let alone starting my push-up routine. But over time, the soreness decreased. I could see my body change before my eyes: my muscles got bigger, tighter, and stronger, and my physique improved. I received compliments and gained confidence. Over time, working out wasn’t something I did—it became a part of me. I gained discipline, focus, determination, and confidence in myself. It was a tool I used not only to sharpen my body, but my mind.
In addition to the mental and physical benefits I received from watching YouTube, the social benefits, which are often overlooked, helped me significantly. In rewatching these videos, I see the view count and think about the others yearning for the same knowledge. Scrolling through the comments, I read their stories, their challenges, and their emotions. Seeing the support and help from others makes you realize you’re not alone in your journey, or at least, not as alone as you thought.
Without a community of individuals looking to better themselves, it can be confusing when others see you as different. It isolates you from everyone else. However, I consider myself lucky because over time, my friends noticed, found interest in what I was doing, and wanted to join me. I was able to share which YouTubers helped me with what, which specific videos I used for certain things, and the problems that I encountered along the way. It made us all grow closer as friends and caused us to push each other past our limits and keep each other accountable. This journey has completely changed my perspective on life and has changed how I live. YouTube was the platform where I was able to find and craft the tools that helped me build myself into the person I am today.