What do you believe authenticity is? Does it involve being genuine? Is it what makes us who we are as individuals? Or is it what those around us want us to be? Admittedly, I wasn’t too sure of what it meant either before. I looked back into my own history to figure out what being authentic means to me.
When I was younger, my mother used to force strict limitations on the type of clothes me and my siblings wore outside. Going to school, it was only jeans and polos; no graphic clothing, no hoodies, and no sweats, unless I had PE. My mother wanted us dressed “decent.” She wanted us to be seen as “decent” people who wore “decent” clothing, but since my mother cared only about how we were perceived by others, she ended up ceding how we perceived ourselves.
Anytime I asked my mom to wear something besides a polo, she would say no because “You gotta dress like you got an owner.” That phrase is something my mom grew up with in Guyana and I never gave it much thought because I always assumed she was just blabbering on about some old Guyanese nonsense that I could never understand. However, looking back on it now, I think “dress like you belong,” is what my mother truly meant. The phrase, “dress like you got an owner,” meant dressing in a way that projects confidence, respect, and a sense of value. My mother wanted her children to be dressed with purpose, wearing clothing that showed others we knew where we were.
Getting ready for church every Sunday, I would be fitted in slacks, dress shirts, and ties; my sister in nice dresses. My mother wanted those in the church to know my sibling and I were “smart” and capable people. Essentially, the phrase meant putting thought into how we presented ourselves as if we had someone or something motivating us to look our best. My mother wanted our clothing to be a testament to our character—our true, authentic self—or at least, what she wanted our authentic self to be.
As I grew older, though, specifically when I started going to junior high, I began to notice the clothing of the people around me. All my friends wore graphic t-shirts, hoodies, and sweats. I slowly began to realize I was the only person in my group of friends wearing clothing that seemed “proper.” I began to feel embarrassed. I thought that the clothing I wore was “doing too much.” I thought that my clothing would make others think I was trying to be different and make myself seem better, which was not who I wanted to be. I was finally fed up with my mother’s restrictions.
Such a forced routine, I ultimately judged it not to be for me. And so, I slowly began to carve out my own identity—write my own regulations. I wore graphic t-shirts, hoodies, sweats, and more. I shopped for the clothes I felt were normal based on what I saw others wearing. Clothing that ultimately made me fit in with my friends. My mom, of course, was frustrated. She would argue with me over the clothes I bought, but I decided I’d had enough and that I wouldn’t give in to her rules over my life.
It’s not that I stopped valuing my mom’s voice, but the fact that I needed to carve out my own. I needed to become myself by not letting others dictate who I was supposed to be. I simply evolved into my own being, thoroughly creating my own identity and a sense of authenticity. I wanted to be a normal kid, wearing normal clothes, and living a normal life. I wanted people to think I was bright because of my accomplishments, not because I wore nice clothes. I didn’t want to “dress to impress” others. I wanted to dress for comfort and leisure.
By dressing the way I wanted, I demonstrated that I could develop my own identity. I showed myself that I could diverge from the rules of my mother and still have a sense of self. And while my mother may think its choices are wrong, I’m embracing my true self and who I want to be. In deviating from my mother’s wishes, I am allowed to further express myself and become a more authentic version of myself.
Now, I believe that being authentic means being free of external restrictions—living without being bound to the limitations imposed onto you by someone other than yourself. In my case, I was living under my mom’s stamp of authenticity on my life. The façade that my mom put up in trying to gain approval from others was what she wanted my authentic self to be. She wanted me to be seen as bright and morally virtuous. And while those are desirable traits, they don’t have to be shown through one’s clothing.
I wanted to wear clothing that made me fit in with others. I didn’t want to stand out from those around me. These subliminal qualities that drove my apparel change allowed me to be my authentic self. I’m not wearing these clothes because someone else told me to. While it is influenced by those around me, I still am being authentic because I choose to wear clothes akin to those of my friends and peers. Ultimately, the difference between choosing to do so and being restricted establishes the difference between being authentic and inauthentic.